My immediate reaction to anything heartbreaking is to write everything down. So here I go...
I had the immense pleasure to share my life with the best grandpa. My grandpa, Roland, wasn't my grandpa by blood, but you wouldn't have ever known that because he was really the only grandpa I knew.
You know the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words." Well my grandpa showed his love completely. There was never a second I didn't feel loved by my grandpa. In fact, even when his mind wasn't fully there, he would still grab my hand to kiss it, and squeeze tightly for assurance. My mind is reeling with all the things we did together.
My grandpa and grandma used to have a sailboat when I was younger, and my grandpa was the one who helped me catch my first fish. "Holy mackerel!!!" He helped me reel in the fish, and tossed it into the net with such excitement. My grandpa and I would take long boat rides into the middle of the ocean, and we would just sit, and laugh and talk.
Christmas and birthdays were always fun. My grandpa had a bald head for as long as I can remember, and we would tape all the ribbons and bows from the presents onto his head. And he just laughed and thought it was the best thing in the world. Grandpa always checked the sizes of the clothes we got him, because he needed a medium, larges were too big. It never failed, every tag was checked, looked over for the precise sizing.
My grandpa worked for Farmer's Insurance, and would allow us to play in his office when we got home from school. He didn't care if we got in the way, he just wanted us around. So we would wait with him, go on car rides with him. He even let me use the polaroid a couple of times to take photos of the car damage. Grandpa didn't see us as a distraction, but rather a welcome one from his work.
Grandpa would take us to the park, and we would find the highest hill and fly kites. That was our thing. He also watched Allie and I as we danced on the fireplace, showing him our newest routine we imagined in our heads. He was always the best audience member. He would watch us when Grandma had bible study, and he always made us his famous creamed hamburger. Grandpa always liked his food piping hot, so we had to remember to blow on it, so we wouldn't burn our mouths.
For those of you who know my family, you know that we still like to sit down and eat together. Some say it's rare to see that anymore, I see it as necessary. My spot at the table was always next to grandpa. His prayers were always grateful for family, and for the time we shared together. He always had food on his hands, so when I held his hands, I just wiped them on the dress I was wearing. Grandpa loved to laugh, and our dinner table was the prime time for laughter. No topic of conversation was off-limits. And grandpa always laughed with his mouth full of food, and I would always look at him, hoping none had flown from his mouth on my face. Flecks of food were always on his beard, and he always piled his plate so high, because of course my grandma was the best cook. Grandpa's role was always scooping the ice cream whenever we got desert. It would always get allover his hands, but he didn't care. Some of my favorite moments were when he would just grab my grandma, and pull her in to dance. My grandpa loved to dance. In fact he was known as quite the charmer, and dancer at the local clubhouse.
Grandpa never missed an event. He was at every recital, every sport's game, every promotion and graduation. He was always present. He was so proud of Allie and I, and would always tell us how beautiful we were. Even in my rebellion, my grandpa never was embarrassed of how I acted, or was mad. He instead, was proud of my spunk, and loved me anyway.
Grandpa loved being outside, and I always remember him reading his Daily Bread in the morning with a cup of coffee, and the latest robe we got him. Grandpa loved riding his bike, and loved going for walks. He always encouraged my sister and I to not just sit inside, but to live. And that's what my grandpa did best; he lived. He always tried to find the best in others, and always found something for us to do. There were never strangers with my grandpa, he talked to everyone.
I feel that God gave my sister and I a last moment of clarity with my grandpa about a year and a half ago. At the time it was heartbreaking but now we know that God ordained such a special moment. My grandpa had pulled Allie and I aside after we helped him put up his Christmas tree. He looked at us square in the eye, and started to cry. Grandpa hadn't been making sense for about four years at that point, and would try his hardest to put together simple sentences. But he was clearer than ever. "I love you girls so much, " he said. "Let's just get our bikes and ride as far as we can, never stopping. Let's never stop." He hugged us, and squeezed us, and then he start babbling again. The sixty seconds of clarity, was our gift.
Even when my grandpa wasn't able to speak, he still worshipped. Grandpa's voice was always booming, and as a singer, you could hear him over your own monitors. But near the end, his sentences turned to phrases, his phrases into smaller words. And near the end, the only word that my grandpa could sing was, GOD!!! So there he was, standing in church, with his arms raised, singing God at the top of his lungs.
I'm comforted now to know my Grandpa is able to speak again, full sentences this time. He's able to walk and dance again. And I know my Grandpa is laughing in heaven, amused at how marvelous it all is. I know my grandpa wasn't supposed to be confined to a bed, and I'm grateful now that his mind is joined with his soul once more.
My grandpa knew how to live life well. And I am reminded and encouraged to do the same. He never let everyday stresses get him down, in fact he was always confidant that we could make it. I was blessed to be loved by such a man, and am encouraged to love others the way he did. I plan on riding my bike as far as I can, and I plan on laughing and singing more and more each day. I was witness to such a special being, and I was so glad to call him my Grandpa.
I love you grandpa,
Your Jillian
